Juggling Work, Teenagers, and Holiday Fun: Surviving the Summer Holidays
At my late husband's grave (with the echo of a horrible covid-like germ), I posted on Insta about the anticipated guilt and dread about the looming solo-parenting summer juggle and a need to rest...
My daughters and our animals are my world and Rainbow Hunting is my soul’s purpose, but when I’m sick or run down it feel a lot.
And, the summer holidays seem to go on for weeks, but then I get a message like this…
“Emma, I think you are amazing! I love how you prioritize your girls and animals AND are helping others with their Sadmin (ie have a full time job). You juggle a lot and it’s commendable.”
This warmed my heart with joy, like seeing a rainbow in the storm!
I think the combination of mum-guilt and needing more rest is pretty universal for so many working parents. You don’t need to be a widow to feel the looming challenge of tearing teenagers away from screens during the long summer holidays. It’s a tricky age, because they are too old for holiday clubs but too young to work full-time! So, I’m sharing here a bit of a brain dump of the thoughts that have rattled around my brain about this…
And, before you read on, please keep hold of the fact that it’s lovely for us to support each other and to acknowledge when we are managing to cope… so if you see someone doing something awesome, please tell them! It is pretty super human to be both mum and dad to bereaved children, to create your own business, to manage a number of different pets, as well as being the cleaner, cook and everything else rolled into one!
When I’m needing some inspiration, or just struggling to feel my feelings, it’s normal for me to visit my late husband’s grave. It’s so lovely to sit on his bench, to have the reminder to enjoy the little things and to listen to the birds in the trees, the wind in the leaves and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin.
And, it’s good to talk.
The sadness is that he can’t respond…
I have to imagine what he would say and, when that fails me, I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful “Instafamily” to whom I can reach out to for support and advice.
Understanding Mum Guilt
Thinking about it, I think there are two sides to mum guilt…
On the one hand, you might feel guilty when you are working… worried that the kids are on screens entertaining themselves, and who knows what they are watching!? But you need to work to fund the fun!
And on the other hand, you might feel equally guilty when you are with the kids and your mind may be running over all that you haven’t done at work and need to get done! So often we feel that we are “it” at work, but for my fellow solopreneurs, we really are the business, which means time away takes planning and possibly a cut in income.
But isn’t it interesting that we are less likely to feel guilty if either of those results in us neglecting our self care…
Why is it so easy to neglect to balance home, family and work with our own personal needs!?
Why is it that we put ourselves so low on the priority list?
Anyone who has been on my Sadmin or my Growing Life around Grief courses will know that I always start with a reminder of the importance of making sure we are satisfying some basic human needs.
What I mean by this is an inventory of whether we are getting:
Enough sleep?
Healthy food?
Good intake of water?
Time outside?
Exercise?
Safety and warmth at home?
Connection with others?
Relief from the constant of life through hobbies?
The significance of self-care and taking breaks when needed.
How many of those nine things could you start to do better?!
In our fast-paced life, it’s all to easy to keep pushing on… do that “quick thing”, tidying up, cleaning, bit more work, something for someone else… Forgetting that sometimes we just need to take a break. Even just five minutes sat in the garden drinking a cuppa… that might be all it takes to help get the balance back!
As well as normalising how many hundreds and thousands of other parents out there suffer equally from parental guilt… two other ways to release the mum guilt are to ask for help and set realistic expectations.
Here’s why these are so important to me…
Asking for help: Often if we are close to burn out, it’s likely that those closest to us can see it and it’s in the human nature to want to fix problems… So, the chances are that they actually want to help you, they just don’t know what to do to help you! This means, asking them to help out is actually helping them feel good that they are able to do something to help you!!
Setting realistic expectations: I’d love to give you pearls of wisdom but I’m the best at setting huge goals for myself! I do get there, but it’s often hard work and a lot of energy expended in order to do so! So, my advice is the way I deal with it… to pause, break things down into smaller steps, ask yourself if there is an easier way to get to the goal?! And, one magic thing… double the time you give to things to lessen the pressure!
Sharing Ideas
To help with the issue of entertaining the children…
Over on my website, I’ve gathered together all the summer holiday teenager ideas I was given in response to the Instagram post I mentioned above… and I’ve mixed it with some of my own (click here for all the suggestions)! If you think of any more please message me, it’s a work in progress!!
At the end of the day, I think that balancing work, teenage activities and holiday fun comes down to two main things for me… planning and authenticity.
Planning means consciously blocking out time in the diary for the work time, the teenagers plans and the family fun. And it includes reviewing those plans weekly and analysing what is getting most of your time… with a view to redressing the balance if it’s out of line.
As for authenticity, what I mean by that is being truly honest about whether you feel you’ve got the balance right, including when you are shattered and you simply need to look after yourself a bit better.
The reason people think I do so well is because I tend to find that I do okay at allowing time for work and the kids… which are the bits that everyone sees, but I can be liable to forget myself! I really would stress the fact that I’m not sure if anyone has the balance perfect! If you feel that you do… please let me know your secret!! In the meantime, the thought I’d like to leave you with is the fact that having guilt-free time out for ourselves is vital.
I would absolutely love to know what you think about the mum guilt - about working and resting up… please share your tips and ideas in the comments here on Substack.
Finally, take care of your gorgeous selves, you can’t look after others if you don’t look after yourself!
Best wishes
Emma x
PS I’m running a totally free challenge over on my Instagram account in August… there are no prizes and it doesn’t lead into anything. It’s just a bit of fun asking people to share their Rainbow Moments - to tag me and use the hashtag. I truly believe that what we focus on grows. So, if you want to join in the fun, read this Insta post here.